I have demons in me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
