if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish I only lived at night.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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