he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
