I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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