Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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