he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
