Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
