Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize