I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
