Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
