Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
