I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
