and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I touched a dick in church today
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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