I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
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So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
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Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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