my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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