I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
