3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
