And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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