If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
