Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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