So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
