I just cut my nipple shaving
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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