sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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