I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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