Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
