i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize