I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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