I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize