I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
