I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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