Sponge bath it is.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
