I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
