He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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