Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
