Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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