Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
