she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
