What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
