You're my little dorito
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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