Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
