I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
