no one should ever give us hovercrafts
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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