I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
