We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
