He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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