opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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