she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
