In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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