the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
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"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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