btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
