I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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