what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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