i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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