you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
