Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
