i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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