I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
