Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
