the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize