Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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