As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
