Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
