I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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