dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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