Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
